Without You

In the days like this makes me thinking about us. I know that someday there will be time that I should pass without you here. Time when I will not hear you say you miss me. I am imagining where I will be when that happen, what I will do to take my mind off of you and how I will survive. 

Then I wonder, will that time be soon?

You are my closest one right now. I feel comfortable with you. I rely on you too much that I am always scared if you walk away. But what can I do if you take different road and leave me. When I feel like you act different than usual I am worried if it will change everything. I am worried if in the next morning I wake up and realize that it is over.

Or 

It could be end strangely with no words, without I realize it.

I Don't Like You, I am just Obsessed

I don't know how much girls in this country obsessed with Korean pretty boys. But I have a friend that is crazily falling in love with those pretty boys who are singing and dancing and acting. She can spend for hours to browse and download pictures and videos of her dream boy. She likes to upload some cute boys pictures on her Facebook and set the dreamboat as desktop background and phone wallpaper. She also has a million songs from many Korean boy bands and listen to it all the time. 

She never stop talking about how cute and cool the boys are. That obsession makes her dreaming to have a cute boyfriend. She made a friend with cute boys and took picture with them. She has a standard of a boy who can be her sweet-pie, yeah one who is cute and cool with Korean style. 

Then, the virus of pretty boy obsession spread out to another. My friend who is a mother of two sons browsed music video of her favorite guy when she was young and told us how she adored the guy in the video. 

Obsessed of something is not a bad thing actually. It can make you excited and motivated about something. It is an energy system. It is fun and gratifying. But unfortunately, sometimes put your favorite guy in the place where you can see it anytime is not always good, it can make you more obsessed with it and dream too much. 

I have an obsession of a guy too but I don't browse any picture of him or stick it to any place.  

I just can't stop talking with him for hours, everyday. 

Student Label

Some interesting parts of being labeled as transfer student are first, I have a story to tell how I could finally get there to continue my study, second, I know more friends from 1st year, 2nd year or final year, third, I don't need to stay at the same class and meet same people everyday. 

When I came to class for the first time I studied in that university, people ignored me. They didn't care if there was a strange girl joining their class. Then in the next day, people sitting near me asked where I come from, do I work, why I transferred to this university instead of my previous university and so on. Class time became a space to know each others and make friends, to chat and laugh. Even I have been joining their class for two years, they are still curious about the history of me. It is easier to make friend when you are open about yourself because the basic foundation for a relationship is about sharing. 

I don't have many close friends actually because I am moving from class to class a lot. But I know many people at campus. It is nice when I am walking at campus, there are always people say 'Hi' or 'What class today'. They usually ask me that because they know I took some different classes. It is interesting making friend with people who is younger or older than you. They are so different, their mindset, attitude, topic to talk to, style but that is the fun thing.

I would be bored if I should come to same class every time. I spend 8 hours everyday in the same place with same people at office. When it is lecture time, I want it to be fun and exciting. I want it to be different. Each class has different atmosphere and different unique people. And that difference makes my day more colorful. 

I can add more number if I am counting the annoying side for transfer student. But why I should keep thinking about bad side if the good one is more blessing.

Untitled

I don't like the feeling today.

Embracing Weekend

Finallyyyyy............I got my weekend back! Yay! It was taken away from me, now it's time to welcome it again and enjoy it. So nice.

I am so happy to be nestling in room again on weekend. This is the best part of all the days. This could be the end of long week but also it could be a contemplation to plan what I will do next week. 

What life would be without weekend. Hustle and bustle would chase us to no end. I would forget my favorite songs I ever listen to, I would forget how to clean up and organize room, I would forget how to fill my bloggy with emotion words, I would forget how to be who I am. 

Even I am so content with this free weekend but I can't wait for these few days to pass because next week will be special. He will be in the city. I can't be happier. 

I think

I think I should focus on myself instead of wasting time to be jealous to other people who have more than me.
I think I should focus on things I have instead of craving on things I don't possess.

I think I am a possessive person who want to own everything this world has. I spent much time, almost all of my time dreaming of a million things. That makes me crazy. That makes me imaginative in a bad way. That makes me think that my life is worse than anyone's life. And that is not a good way of living.

I think I should learn how to be content with my life and live simple and gratitude.
I think I am getting tired of me who is always thirsty of possessing.

No Place to Stay?

I get no idea when it comes talking about where I will want to live. It's not because I don't know some nice cities, I just can't decide what place is best for me to stay. It's not that easy like I want to live in that city then I move there. It's more than just moving, it's about family, work and other things a girl can worry about.

Sometimes, when I feel alone here I really just want to go back to hometown. Stay with my family because lonely is the first thing I am scared of. I will never feel all alone if my family is around. Even though I can't make much money there, but I would feel content. This world is not just about thing called money but also LOVE.

But....when I feel I have someone and friends here who care about me, I feel strong. I feel like I can survive in any place I stay in. Even I live far from family. They are motivating system for me to keep walking in rough path. It's about love again.

Well I don't need to decide soon about future living place. I just am thinking what my life would be tomorrow. I like imagining what I will do after this or what job I will work on. But everything seems still so vague now. 

Untitled

I am so afraid when thing is suddenly changing when I am not ready yet 

House of Sampoerna

I got somewhere to visit today, House of Sampoerna (HoS), a museum of famous cigarette company in Surabaya which is also a preserve historical site. Besides museum, we can also see 3.000 women rolling Kretek cigarette using traditional equipment. You know they can roll more than 325 sticks per hour. The place is quite good, the building is classical and unique but it is more about the story of founding family of Sampoerna. 

This Kebaya is so gorgeous. It's simple but so elegant and beautiful. I don't know the story about this Kebaya or who wore it. I didn't hear what Ms. Guide was telling about because I was busy adoring this pretty traditional apparel and imagining I had one like this. 

 

Their marching band ever joined Tournament of Roses in California

 

 

 

Sometimes I don't understand why we have to be proud of having a big cigarette company and cigarette museum.

Relaxing Sunday

I have been listening to music all over day today. My room was full of random songs, my mind was loaded by many various lyrics. Some songs were played many times and I didn't realize it has been dark here. 

It was a lazy Sunday. I was just nestling inside room. Sleeping, listening to music, reading, scrolling over blog, chatting, thinking, daydreaming, such passive activities. I don't know why my bed became too comfortable to leave and I was so unwilling to go out. 

But I didn't feel like I was in a secluded place somewhere in forest because I still could get in touch with the world, yeah thanks for internet. It made me skip going-out-time in weekend. But I enjoyed it, I had no friend to go out with anyway. So, it was just a relaxing Sunday. 

Tomorrow, I still have one day off. I still have no plan, but one certain thing I know I will do is sleeping.